Improve Your Self-Confidence, and Reach Your Goals

There are three thoughts I want to share with you today about what it is like working with a life coach:

Self-confidence.

Positive changes.

Reaching goals.

There are as many as 25,000 life coaches in the country, coaching up to a quarter of a million people, so it's a valid question: does life coaching work? Well, according to some recent studies, it does work.

In fact, 90% of people who enter into a life-coaching arrangement in order to increase their self-confidence do just that. Research has also shown that, even for people not specifically looking for that outcome, 50% of them experience a higher level of self-confidence.

And what about positive changes? Do they occur when you work with a life coach?

"Our research shows that those who work with a professional coach not only attain success in the goal areas which initially led them to seek a coach, but...find themselves enjoying positive changes in other areas of their life as well... in their relationships, wellness and other parts of their business or personal lives."

Finally, and most importantly, the majority of people who enlist a life-coach do it so that they can reach their goals. But does having a life-coach actually help that to come about?

"Statistics from the American Society for Training and Development provide insight into why working with a coach might be better than working alone. The data indicate that a person's probability of achieving a goal increases from fifty percent to ninety-five percent when the plan for goal attainment is committed to another person and there is a specific accountability appointment with the person to whom the commitment was made."

"This is the essence of the coaching arrangement, shared commitments with accountability to the coach."

Are you looking for a way to reach your goals? Please give me a call - I'd love to talk with you about how we could work together in order to make that happen.

Read more at Suite101: Is Business Executive, Life Coaching Effective?: Psychology Studies of Executive Coaching, Life, Wellness Coaching http://changing-personal-habits.suite101.com/article.cfm/is_business_executive_life_coaching_effective#ixzz0yryqsHOx

Before You Were Born

In my last post, I commented on how David wrote that God had our life's pages written down before we were even born.

As I think about this, I realize that this means that God knew all about every single one of my joyful moments, and he was laughing and celebrating with me, before they even happened. He must really love it when I get to those days.

But it also means that God has been aching for me about the difficult times I've had, long before I've experienced them. He saw them coming.

Are you in the middle of a joyful time of life? Don't forget to express your thanks to a God who has been celebrating with you all along.

Are you in a dark time? Have circumstances conspired to really get you down? God is there for you. He's always been there.

He Knew All About Us

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed, and in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them (Psalm 139:16 NKJV)

I am a firm believer that the Bible is the infallible word of God. It is all truth. So what is God saying to us in that verse?

Simply this: before we were conceived in our mother's womb, He (God) knew all about us. What we would look like, who our family would be, and how our days would turn out.

I have learned down through the years that God puts us in the right place at the right time with the right people.

When I was 13 years old, I started working on a dairy farm at which time I didn't have a clue what Christians were. I found out later the people who owned the farm were Mennonites and went to church every Sunday. Not only that, but during the summer they had two weeks of what they called "Vacation Bible School."

My boss so desperately wanted me and some of my siblings to go with them to this event, and we figured it would be better than sitting at home with nothing to do. So a few of us went with them on the first night - we loved it so much that we went all ten nights. So began my experience of getting to know Christians.

My boss knew I was raised in a family where much alcohol was consumed. I remember him saying to me, "If you don't want to become an alcoholic, don't take the first drink." Since I already had my first drink i twas too late for that. At least that's what I thought.

If you remember from one of my other stories, I mentioned how I opened up the door and allowed anger to come in and camp out inside of me. Well, by that time the anger was so strong it took away any desire I could have had to be like these Christian people I was getting to know.

Did you ever notice how anger and hatred that you have toward someone can drive you to become just like them, no matter how determined you might be to not let that happen? It happens so fast, without you having any knowledge of who you are becoming.

I was becoming my dad.

I started fighting more in school and some older people were buying alcohol for me. I formed a little street gang in Coatesville and we would fight other gangs. Fighting was something my dad my older brothers would do quite frequently.

Anger and hatred were driving me in the wrong direction - who was I and what was I becoming? I didn't like me at that time and I didn't have the ability to like anyone else.

Fortunately, my story didn't end there.

A Bag of Ruffles Potato Chips

The day after my accident my dad came in to see me. He brought me a bag of Ruffle's potato chips: my favorite snack back then. Today I have to snack on celery and carrot sticks - oh the joys of getting older!

Anyway, life in those days was very difficult for my siblings and me. My dad was a very angry person. We never knew what kind of mood we'd find him in, so life was one long walk on eggshells. When I saw that he had brought my favorite snack, I thought to myself, "Maybe dad won't be mad at me this time."

But there in my hospital room came the statement that made me very angry for the next five years.

There I was, a little boy, afraid, hurting from head to toe, blind in one eye, wanting in the worst way to go home, and yet my dad, in a very angry tone of voice, turned to me and said, "If you would have listened to me, none of this would have ever happened!" What I needed at that time from my dad was love and comfort, not a scolding. Yet all I got was further confirmation from him that I wasn't worthy of love or comfort. I was still the no-good person that wouldn't amount to anything.

That's what he always told me, and I started believing it was true.

In the book of Proverbs it says: "Life and death are in the power of the tongue."

Parents, please hear me! The words you say to your children are as important as anything else you do for them. Either our words will bring life to them or our words will wound them tremendously. Children are such precious gifts from God. Take good care of them.

From the age of 12 to about 17 my life became very difficult for me. I opened up the door and anger came in to camp out. I know hate is a very strong word, but I must be honest: I literally hated my dad all those years.

I will share at another time how the hatred turned to love and compassion.

Stay tuned, and God's Speed!

Two Guys and One Bike

I was 12 years old, out riding bicycle with my sister's boyfriend. We were riding on Country Club Road looking for a necklace she had lost. It was a beautiful summer day: not real hot with a wonderful breeze.

But we only had one bike (two guys and a bike - sounds like a good title for something). Anyway, if you know Country Club Road you'll know it has a very steep hill. So there we were: two guys riding on one bike. Joe-Joe was on the seat and I was, of all places, on the handlebars.

I should add that these details were told to me later on - I don't remember a bit of it.

We started cruising down that steep hill, riding double. At the bottom of the hill was a bridge, which we reached at a good clip. That's when the front end of the bike fell apart and the two of us went flying through the air. Both of us landed on our heads. Black top, as you know, is not very forgiving.

Joe-Joe suffered a fractured skull and was rushed to Lancaster General Hospital. He was unconscious the entire day.

Me? I was knocked out cold, suffered a serious concussion, and took 24 stitches in my head, lip and chin. My left eye swelled completely shut. I was covered in road burn on the left side of my body, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I woke up later that day in the hospital, trying to figure out what had happened to me. Doctors and nurses kept asking me if I remembered what happened. My only answer was "no".

I felt so afraid in the hospital, mostly wondering where my mom was. At a time like that a little boy needs his mom. I knew she could make the hurt go away and take me home. However, she wasn't able to, and I stayed in the hospital for a week. I was in such tremendous, physical pain, and I couldn't imagine anything feeling any worse.

Boy was I wrong!

(to be continued)

What If?

Are you letting someone else's actions determine the way you live your life?

If your spouse or boss or sibling or parent is treating you terribly or acting in ways that upset you, does your automatic response to them come from a place of anger, annoyance or bitterness?

What if you decided to change the interaction, on your own?

I'm reading Susan Page's book Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage. Chapter 4 is called "Act As If." One of my favorite ideas from this chapter is a real revelation to most people:

"You don't have to behave the way you feel. You have a choice. You can feel angry and frustrated inside and acknowledge your feelings, but behave in a loving way. Not as a thinly veiled disguise. Not as a passive-aggressive strategy (being nice with a big fist right behind your smile). Nor as a manipulation. But as a deliberate, spiritual exercise."

But why? Why should our actions be anything other than a natural extension of how we feel?

"Acting As If" will help you become more positive, will help you feel better about yourself, and may even bring the "as if" into reality.

Here's an experiment that Susan Page suggests at the end of the chapter. I challenge you to try it out:

1. In your journal, write your answer to this question: If you were completely in love with your spouse, how would you behave? You may want to write a paragraph or make a list. Let your imagination take over.

2. Set a specific time - from five minutes to an evening or a full day - to set aside any tensions you are feeling with your partner right now and act as if you are a loving, adoring partner.

3. The next time you feel angry or hurt or have a conflict with your partner, make a point of trying to act as if. Look for an opportunity and try it. Acknowledge your feelings, but know that you do not have to act them out. You have a choice. Try something different this time.

4. Record what you did in your journal and how it turned out.

Give it a shot. Act as if!

Perseverance

Last week I shared my story. A lot of people ask me how Fi and I did it - how did our marriage survive such difficult circumstances?

Somehow God gave me the patience I needed to get through.

"If you will let me, I will take care of this for you" was the word God gave me, but I still had to wait. He didn't take care of it in an instant - it was a process that carried on for years.

There's a verse in the Bible about this kind of patient waiting:

"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see" Hebrews 11:1

One of the problems of our society these days is instant everything - instant coffee, fast food, instant fixes. We get used to addressing problems and eliminating them NOW. But sometimes the best things in life don't happen NOW. Sometimes the best things in life take time.

What are the problems in your life right now? Are you looking for quick fixes? Or are you letting God take care of it for you, no matter what his time line might be?

That thing you can't see . . . keeping hoping. Keep believing God will take care of it for you. That's faith.

"I Will Take Care of This For You" (Part 2)

Those years were very challenging, to say the least. Knowing my wife was spending time with someone else and giving him the attention that I needed was very hard for me. I would love to tell you how patient I was and how easy it was, putting this whole situation into God’s hands. But that isn’t how it was.

I remember coming home from work one day to an empty house, as I did most days, and saying to God, “I have had it! I’m going to take a shower and if my wife isn’t home by the time I’m through, I’m going to pack my bags, go out that door, and never come back.”

My wife was never home by the time I was through showering, so I was really trying to give myself permission to leave. But that day, as I got into the shower, I heard a door close – you guessed it. My wife was home. And as the hot water ran down over me I heard that voice again:

“Mike, if you will let me, I will take care of this for you!”

For the next three years I had to learn to trust God and allow Him to do what He needed to do in order to take care of my problem.

The day finally came. December 3^rd, 1981. The truth became known. My pastor was having sexual relationships with several women in our church. My wife was one of those women. It’s strange how you can know something inside yourself and it affects you a certain way, but then when you know it for sure it becomes even more devastating.

For a week I felt like a walking dead man. I hurt much more than I ever dreamed possible. When my wife came to me and asked, “Can you ever forgive me?” I looked at her and said, “I already have.” The wedding vows I had said before man and God were just as real to me then as the day I said them. Nothing could or would change that. I loved my wife.

It has taken hard work and commitment on both of our parts. God was faithful to his word:

“If you will let me, I will take care of this for you.”

It has been many, many years since Fi told me what had been going on, and we are still together. We have been blessed over the years with two sons and a daughter-in-law, all who love and serve God. Recently we were blessed again – with a beautiful grandson. What more could parents ask for?

November 29^th, 2010 Fianna and I will have been married for 35 years: a testimony to His love, His grace and His faithfulness. God truly did take care of my situation – no one else could have done what He did!

He was true to His word.

“If You Let Me, I Will Take Care Of This For You”

As I walked across the field, my head was throbbing, my heart was breaking, and the words kept playing over and over in my mind, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore.”

Fianna, my wife of only six months, was ready to call it quits, end our marriage.

That was the beginning of 6 very long and very difficult years. But as I walked through that field, thinking about what she had just said, I was reminded of another sound track. Another phrase. This one had come to me when I was 10 years old.

As I watched my dad and two older brothers, drunk out of their mind, fighting and beating each other until blood poured out of them, I prayed to a God I wasn’t even sure existed.

“Please get me out of this mess,” I pleaded.

The words he had given me back then, when I was ten, replayed as I walked through that field:

“Mike, if you will let me, I will take care of this for you.”

You see, when I turned 16 I moved away from home and in with the family whose dairy farm I was working on. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was moving in with a Christian family. One year after I moved in with them I became a Christian, and suddenly realized that the prayer I had prayed when I was ten, that God would get me out of that mess, had been answered. He had taken care of it for me.

So when my wife said, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore,” that old promise of God’s came to me again. He would be faithful. He would help me through the pain I was feeling at the time.

For the next 6 years of our marriage, I would hear statements like:

“I wouldn’t blame you if you went and found another woman.”

“You should prepare yourself – one day you’ll come home and I’ll be gone.”

“Why do you stay?”

My answer to my wife was always the same: “I said my vows before God and man and I’m staying true to them.”

After a series of questions to my wife, and then also to the guy with whom I thought she was having an affair, I came to the conclusion that it was true. They were involved with each other. I remember sitting in my car, thinking about what I had just heard, and saying to God, “Now I know for sure. So what do I do?”

And God said, “Just let it go Mike, and remember, if you will let me, I will take care of this for you.”

Looking back, I know it wasn’t just her fault – I was an extremely negative person, and I did virtually nothing to fill her love tank. These days I wonder what I was thinking: how could she ever have been happy with me? An affair is rarely the problem in a marriage. Sure, it illustrates that there are problems, but those usually come before the affair ever happens. Of the many problems our relationship was facing, two huge ones were my negativity and the lack of effort I put into making sure my wife felt loved and appreciated.

But all of that melted away as I tried to do one thing: focus on the word God had given me. I had to let it go. I had to let him take care of it for me.

(to be continued next week)

Relationship Goals

I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.

This reminds me of some folks who have high goals for themselves relationally - maybe they want to make some close friends or find people with the same hobbies as themselves. Maybe they want to get married. Yet they just keep doing the same things over and over.

They hang out at the same places (often their own sofa).

They hang out with the same people (who aren't positive influences).

They don't take care of themselves.

We all fall into ruts from time to time. But if you want something about your life to change, you have to set goals. And once you've set some goals, normally a few life changes are required to reach them.

And if you're struggling to implement these changes yourself, give me a call! I'd love to help you set some goals, take baby steps to reach them, all the while getting closer to the extraordinary life you've been looking for.

Next week I'm going to begin sharing my own relationship story. My wife and I went through some extremely difficult years - maybe some of you know what I'm talking about. But there's always hope.

There's always hope.

What Do You Meditate On?

Did you know that everyone spends time in meditation?

Wait - I can probably guess what you're thinking: "I don't meditate" might be your response. Another popular one is "meditation is hokey - I don't believe in it." Well, guess what.

Everyone meditates.

The problem is, most of the meditating we do runs counter to a productive, happy life. Most of us meditate on the things we don't have (lack of money or relationships). Many of us meditate on things that can lead to painful family situations (things like pornography or extreme anger). Some of us literally spend hours every day meditating on revenge or how badly we've been hurt.

So you see, everyone meditates.

In Richard Foster's book "Celebration of Discipline" he talks about Christian meditation:

"The Hebrew words that convey the idea of meditation...are used some fifty-eight times (in scripture). These words have various meanings: listening to God's word, reflecting on God's works, rehearsing God's deeds, ruminating on God's law, and more. In each case there is stress upon changed behavior as a result..."

Meditation leads to a change in behavior. This makes sense - if you spend every waking hour contemplating revenge, your behavior will begin to reflect this. However, if you take some time every day and try to meditate on positive thoughts, this will also affect you, but in positive ways.

But how do we meditate?

You can try picking out one verse in the Bible that means a lot to you and repeating it over and over again, sitting somewhere with your eyes closed, or while taking a walk.

Another method Foster recommends is the "palms down, palms up" method: "begin by placing your palms down as a symbolic indication of your desire to turn over any concerns you may have to God. Inwardly you may pray, "Lord, I give to you my anger toward John. I release my fear of my dentist appointment this morning. I surrender my anxiety over not having enough money to pay the bills this month." Whatever it is that weighs down your mind...release it...After several moments of surrender, turn your palms up as a symbol of your desire to receive from the Lord...I would like to receive your divine love...your peace about the dentist...your patience...your joy."

A third kind of meditation can be done by simply observing creation and reflecting on it.

You will meditate today - what will you meditate on? The noise and concerns and commotion that the world forces on you? Or will you be more deliberate and direct your mind for good?

Determined to set and reach your mental goals? Try reading Richard Foster's "Celebration of Discipline" and applying some of his other disciplines to your life.

Making Time

How quickly this life passes! The days turn to weeks turn to months and suddenly another decade is gone. If you're not careful, you will live life without even realizing it.

We all get into our routines: wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Day after day. And suddenly time is passing, and we don't know what's become of it.

This is why making time for your family is so important. Trust me - as the parent of grown sons and a daughter-in-law, with one grandchild, I can tell you that your family will be grown and gone before you know it! Making time for your family is one way to ensure you are making the most of the time that's been given you.

Vacations - extended ones, or long weekends, or even just a one day adventure - pull you from the craziness of life and let you spend extended time focusing on those who are most important to you.

Check out this video of Zac Smith - it will motivate you to make time for your family, while you still have it:



Zac passed away in May. But you can bet he made the most of the time he had. Are you?

What If You Did What You Love To Do?

Sometimes people aren't sure where to begin when it comes to setting career goals. I think my career goal might be a good place for some to start:

Wake up everyday doing what you love to do and actually have people pay you to do it.

As I see it, there are three steps to this, and the first is probably the most difficult.

First, you have to figure out what you love to do.

I know that sounds easy, but for a lot of people it's not. "What do you love to do?" I ask, and usually I'm greeted with a blank stare. The problem is that many of us spend so much time doing things we don't like doing, or things we kind of like doing, that we run out of time. Many of us never do the things that we love, so we forget what they are, or never even discover them in the first place. But figuring out what you love to do is the first step.

The second part is doing it. You can't just know what you love to do - you have to begin making time for it. The more time you spend doing the things you love, the better you get at them, the more potential value you will have to offer.

Finally, the third part is getting people to pay you to do the thing you love. This might sound far-fetched . . . you might think about the thing you love to do and come to the conclusion that no one would ever actually pay you to do that.

All I can say is that the folks I know who 1) knew what they loved to do and, 2) did it passionately until they were better at it than almost anyone else, were soon getting paid to do that very thing.

There's no set formula for how this comes about, and everyone's path is a little different.

So how about it? Are you ready to set some career goals? Are you ready to change your life?

Your Car and Your Soul

Sometimes, after a lot of hard work and discipline, you can get your physical goals and your financial goals in place. You work hard and meet these goals, and you're feeling pretty good about life. You look good, and your check book looks pretty good, too.

Don't stop! There are some internal areas of your life that need attention, too. Don't forget to set some spiritual goals.

It's kind of like washing your car - you can spend the better part of a beautiful Saturday soaping down the outside of your car, rinsing it off, waxing it, cleaning the tires and wheels. Soon the outside of that car looks amazing.

But what about the inside?

If you only ever cleaned the outside of your car, the inside would start to stink. The carpets would get mud and gravel and maybe some food or spilled drink ground into it. The seats would get that crud in the deeper places.

And what about under the hood? What if you never changed the oil or sent your car in for a tune up? What if you never put gas in your car?

You could go on cleaning the outside of your car every Saturday, but if you never addressed the interior issues, the cleaning and maintenance stuff, eventually the car would stop running. It might even fall apart.

Spiritual goals are important because they keep your spirit healthy. Don't forget about them.

What good is an attractive body and sound financial status if your soul is falling apart?

The Happiness In 5 - 10%

Here's something no one wants to talk about:

Money.

I heard someone say once that most people spend 5-10% more than they make, and it's that 5-10% that makes their life miserable.

If your financial life isn't where you'd like it to be, here are some thoughts:

1) check out Dave Ramsey's book "Total Money Makeover". One of his recommendations is that the first thing you do is get $1000 in an emergency fund. This may sound like a lot, but having that money there can keep you from going into deep debt over something relatively minor, like unexpected medical or auto expenses.

2) get rid of those credit cards! The interest rates are predatory, so get away from the predator! Cut them up and close the accounts.

3) create a plan. Almost everyone can get out of debt, no matter the situation, if they make a plan and stick to it.

Are your finances out of whack? Need to set some financial goals? I'd love to coach you, not only out of financial trouble, but to financial health.

The Biggest Loser

How do you feel when you wake up in the morning? I mean physically - how does your body feel?

Are you setting goals to treat your body more respectfully this year? Are you incorporating exercise? Walking is a great place to start - just a 20 minute stroll up your street and back can make a huge difference in how you feel physically, and it will affect your mental well being too.

Think about the show "The Biggest Loser". Now I know this is a drastic example, but there are a few things we can learn from that show:

1) focus - the contestants decide to make a priority of getting right physically, and everything they do, from how they eat to how they think of themselves, is focused on that goal

2) motivation - almost all of those contestants have a reason to get fit. What's yours? Do you have a family you want to stay healthy for? Do you think your physical shape is getting in the way of relationships because of how it makes you feel about yourself? Let something motivate you, and then focus on that.

3) perseverance - don't give up! And don't let one bad day, or one bad week, keep you from moving forward.


Check out this picture of a guy from The Biggest Loser. Imagine how different he feels, physically. Imagine how much easier it is to get around, get up in the morning, or just go about his daily activities.

Set some physical goals for yourself. Then go for it.

***it may not be realistic to lose the amount of weight they lose on The Biggest Loser during the short time frame in which they lose it, and remember that they are surrounded by a team of people dedicated to their well-being. Whenever embarking on a weight loss program it is important to get the advice of a doctor.

The Magic Number Seven

Let's look at Zig Ziglar's 7 specific areas where goals can be set:

1. Physical - how do you feel? How do you look? How do you want to feel and how do you want to look? The Bible says, “Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit” 1st Cor. 6:19. Are you setting bigger goals this year to take better care of your body?
2. Financial - there aren’t too many things that feel better then financial freedom. I challenge you to set goals to get totally out of debt. A great book to read is by Dave Ramsey: “Total Money Makeover”. Maybe reading his book can be your first financial goal.
3. Spiritual - the Bible states, “If we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. I challenge you to do what works for you to get closer to God and become the spiritual giant he has created you to be. Go Ahead! Start right now and set those goals.
4. Career - I would encourage you to purchase the book, “Strength Finders 2.0” and take the online survey to find out where your strengths are. Your goal should be to wake up everyday doing what you love to do and actually have people pay you to do it.
5. Family - Are you like most of us who get so caught up with work that family ends up far down our list of priorities? Set a goal to take a family vacation and enjoy life. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to laugh a lot.
6. Mental - Set some goals to take time from your busy schedule and rest your mind. When was the last time you did something fun which didn’t require a lot of mental work? Take time to meditate. And by all means meditate on God's word.
7. Social - Have you found yourself becoming a couch potato and not really wanting to socialize with people. Come on! Get up and plan a night out with your friends. You will feel so much better.

Have fun setting your goals. Remember the main way to get ahead in life is to help as many other people as you can to get ahead.

Is there anyone out there who you are helping to accomplish their goals, right now???

Come Back From a Place You've Never Been? Impossible

How can you hit a target you don’t have?

Goals are very important.

It’s just as difficult to reach a destination you don’t have as it is to come back from a place you’ve never been. I agree with Zig Ziglar in his book See You At The Top when he says that one reason people never reach their full potential is that they don’t have definite, precise, and clearly set goals.

Thirty years ago after reading that book, I realized that if I didn’t set goals my life would continue to go absolutely nowhere. I wasn’t reaching my full potential, and probably never would, until I had something to reach for. I truly believe people who don’t set goals reach only a small portion of what life has to offer.

I would like to share with you some of what I learned from Zig Ziglar. He says we should start with a plan and direct it toward a specific goal or target. But how do we do that?

Let's start with the basics: a definition of the word "goal". The dictionary says a goal is an aim or a purpose. It’s a plan. Something you expect to do. Lets establish first that whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever you want to do, you should have goals.

Zig Ziglar says there are seven different kinds of goals.
1. Physical
2. Financial
3. Spiritual
4. Career
5. Family
6. Mental
7. Social- I will elaborate on these later.

He also says there are four characteristics of goals:

1. Set big goals but not so unrealistic that they aren’t attainable. When you set goals you can’t reach you are setting yourself up to fail.
2. Goals must be long-range. Long range goals are easier. Why? Because you go as far as you can see and when you get there you will always be able to see further.
3. Goals must be daily. Frequently, the difference between great and the near great is the realization that if you expect to make it big, you must work toward your objectives everyday. Being sporadic is not the way to get where you want to be. If you want to see change work on your goals everyday.
4. Goals must be specific. Zig says, “It doesn’t matter how much power, brilliance or energy you have, if you don’t harness it and focus on a specific target, and hold it there. You’re never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants." Remember the art of goal setting is to focus on one specific, detailed goal. And if you want to reach your goal you must first see yourself reaching that goal.

Check in next Wednesday as we explore how to approach goal-setting in each of the seven areas listed above.

Coaching Married Couples to Emotional Connection

As I mentioned in my last post, there is a big difference between counseling and life coaching. In a counseling situation we are typically trying to regain some sort of normalcy. But life coaching is about taking a person, or a couple, from normalcy to excellence.

Many of my clients are happily married couples who want to take their relationship to another level. The first thing I usually discuss with them is the importance of building an emotional connection.

According to www.lifescript.com, an emotional connection is "a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people." Perhaps the most important part of this phrase is "two people". If you want a strong emotional connection with your spouse, both of you have to put in the time and effort!

Here are 7 ways you can create a stronger emotional connection:

1) Study your partner and gain a better awareness of their needs

2) Trust your partner

3) Be emotionally available

4) Show affection

5) Fight Fair

6) See the world through the other person's eyes

7) Overcome the obstacles

These are just some of the ways you can create strong emotional connections - many times you need a third party to navigate all of these areas successfully. If you are interested in exploring what it would look like to have some relational coaching, let me know!

Life Coaching, One Goal at a Time

My goal in life coaching is very simple: get people to where they want to be.

I start by finding out what their strengths are, and then we set small goals for them and create an accountability structure that ensures each of these small goals get the proper attention. And each goal is met.

One goal at a time.

I start out meeting with a client once a week for three consecutive weeks. After that I usually feel like I have an idea where they're at, and where they want to be, so we'll schedule out our meetings accordingly. Some want to continue to meet weekly - they want to maintain close contact and strict accountability and are serious about reaching their goals quickly. Others choose to meet every other week, taking more responsibility on to themselves for setting and reaching goals. Occasionally, as time goes on and the person meets their goals and knows where they are headed, they may only come in once a month for a tune up.

Whatever the schedule looks like, it still revolves around creating a path toward success, a path of small goals lined with accountability.

So who needs a life coach? Right now I'm working with all kinds of different people - some are married couples who feel stuck in a rut relationally and want to turn their average marriage into an exceptional one. Others are single folks who are relationally challenged and want to get outside of the box they've created.

I'm also beginning to take on business clients - business men and women who feel that they are ready to take another step in their career, or bring their business up a notch. Research done by http://allbusinesscoaching.com states that:

"A telecommunications company received 529% return on investment (when they hired coaches for their employees) along with intangible benefits . . . Kodak’s coaching program for 1,000 employees delivered double digit increases in employee productivity . . . What these statistics suggest is that an effective business coaching or training program or an executive coach can deliver at least $2 for every one dollar invested. This investment is quickly recovered due to the immediate increase in individual performance."

No matter who the person, or what the situation, or where they're headed, I've seen first hand how life coaching can take someone caught in an ordinary life and release them into their strengths and gifts.

If you feel stuck in a rut relationally or personally, or feel your career or business has stalled, contact me. I would love to hear more about your situation and talk to you about why bringing me on as your life coach could make a huge difference.