Improve Your Self-Confidence, and Reach Your Goals

There are three thoughts I want to share with you today about what it is like working with a life coach:

Self-confidence.

Positive changes.

Reaching goals.

There are as many as 25,000 life coaches in the country, coaching up to a quarter of a million people, so it's a valid question: does life coaching work? Well, according to some recent studies, it does work.

In fact, 90% of people who enter into a life-coaching arrangement in order to increase their self-confidence do just that. Research has also shown that, even for people not specifically looking for that outcome, 50% of them experience a higher level of self-confidence.

And what about positive changes? Do they occur when you work with a life coach?

"Our research shows that those who work with a professional coach not only attain success in the goal areas which initially led them to seek a coach, but...find themselves enjoying positive changes in other areas of their life as well... in their relationships, wellness and other parts of their business or personal lives."

Finally, and most importantly, the majority of people who enlist a life-coach do it so that they can reach their goals. But does having a life-coach actually help that to come about?

"Statistics from the American Society for Training and Development provide insight into why working with a coach might be better than working alone. The data indicate that a person's probability of achieving a goal increases from fifty percent to ninety-five percent when the plan for goal attainment is committed to another person and there is a specific accountability appointment with the person to whom the commitment was made."

"This is the essence of the coaching arrangement, shared commitments with accountability to the coach."

Are you looking for a way to reach your goals? Please give me a call - I'd love to talk with you about how we could work together in order to make that happen.

Read more at Suite101: Is Business Executive, Life Coaching Effective?: Psychology Studies of Executive Coaching, Life, Wellness Coaching http://changing-personal-habits.suite101.com/article.cfm/is_business_executive_life_coaching_effective#ixzz0yryqsHOx

Before You Were Born

In my last post, I commented on how David wrote that God had our life's pages written down before we were even born.

As I think about this, I realize that this means that God knew all about every single one of my joyful moments, and he was laughing and celebrating with me, before they even happened. He must really love it when I get to those days.

But it also means that God has been aching for me about the difficult times I've had, long before I've experienced them. He saw them coming.

Are you in the middle of a joyful time of life? Don't forget to express your thanks to a God who has been celebrating with you all along.

Are you in a dark time? Have circumstances conspired to really get you down? God is there for you. He's always been there.

He Knew All About Us

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed, and in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them (Psalm 139:16 NKJV)

I am a firm believer that the Bible is the infallible word of God. It is all truth. So what is God saying to us in that verse?

Simply this: before we were conceived in our mother's womb, He (God) knew all about us. What we would look like, who our family would be, and how our days would turn out.

I have learned down through the years that God puts us in the right place at the right time with the right people.

When I was 13 years old, I started working on a dairy farm at which time I didn't have a clue what Christians were. I found out later the people who owned the farm were Mennonites and went to church every Sunday. Not only that, but during the summer they had two weeks of what they called "Vacation Bible School."

My boss so desperately wanted me and some of my siblings to go with them to this event, and we figured it would be better than sitting at home with nothing to do. So a few of us went with them on the first night - we loved it so much that we went all ten nights. So began my experience of getting to know Christians.

My boss knew I was raised in a family where much alcohol was consumed. I remember him saying to me, "If you don't want to become an alcoholic, don't take the first drink." Since I already had my first drink i twas too late for that. At least that's what I thought.

If you remember from one of my other stories, I mentioned how I opened up the door and allowed anger to come in and camp out inside of me. Well, by that time the anger was so strong it took away any desire I could have had to be like these Christian people I was getting to know.

Did you ever notice how anger and hatred that you have toward someone can drive you to become just like them, no matter how determined you might be to not let that happen? It happens so fast, without you having any knowledge of who you are becoming.

I was becoming my dad.

I started fighting more in school and some older people were buying alcohol for me. I formed a little street gang in Coatesville and we would fight other gangs. Fighting was something my dad my older brothers would do quite frequently.

Anger and hatred were driving me in the wrong direction - who was I and what was I becoming? I didn't like me at that time and I didn't have the ability to like anyone else.

Fortunately, my story didn't end there.

A Bag of Ruffles Potato Chips

The day after my accident my dad came in to see me. He brought me a bag of Ruffle's potato chips: my favorite snack back then. Today I have to snack on celery and carrot sticks - oh the joys of getting older!

Anyway, life in those days was very difficult for my siblings and me. My dad was a very angry person. We never knew what kind of mood we'd find him in, so life was one long walk on eggshells. When I saw that he had brought my favorite snack, I thought to myself, "Maybe dad won't be mad at me this time."

But there in my hospital room came the statement that made me very angry for the next five years.

There I was, a little boy, afraid, hurting from head to toe, blind in one eye, wanting in the worst way to go home, and yet my dad, in a very angry tone of voice, turned to me and said, "If you would have listened to me, none of this would have ever happened!" What I needed at that time from my dad was love and comfort, not a scolding. Yet all I got was further confirmation from him that I wasn't worthy of love or comfort. I was still the no-good person that wouldn't amount to anything.

That's what he always told me, and I started believing it was true.

In the book of Proverbs it says: "Life and death are in the power of the tongue."

Parents, please hear me! The words you say to your children are as important as anything else you do for them. Either our words will bring life to them or our words will wound them tremendously. Children are such precious gifts from God. Take good care of them.

From the age of 12 to about 17 my life became very difficult for me. I opened up the door and anger came in to camp out. I know hate is a very strong word, but I must be honest: I literally hated my dad all those years.

I will share at another time how the hatred turned to love and compassion.

Stay tuned, and God's Speed!

Two Guys and One Bike

I was 12 years old, out riding bicycle with my sister's boyfriend. We were riding on Country Club Road looking for a necklace she had lost. It was a beautiful summer day: not real hot with a wonderful breeze.

But we only had one bike (two guys and a bike - sounds like a good title for something). Anyway, if you know Country Club Road you'll know it has a very steep hill. So there we were: two guys riding on one bike. Joe-Joe was on the seat and I was, of all places, on the handlebars.

I should add that these details were told to me later on - I don't remember a bit of it.

We started cruising down that steep hill, riding double. At the bottom of the hill was a bridge, which we reached at a good clip. That's when the front end of the bike fell apart and the two of us went flying through the air. Both of us landed on our heads. Black top, as you know, is not very forgiving.

Joe-Joe suffered a fractured skull and was rushed to Lancaster General Hospital. He was unconscious the entire day.

Me? I was knocked out cold, suffered a serious concussion, and took 24 stitches in my head, lip and chin. My left eye swelled completely shut. I was covered in road burn on the left side of my body, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I woke up later that day in the hospital, trying to figure out what had happened to me. Doctors and nurses kept asking me if I remembered what happened. My only answer was "no".

I felt so afraid in the hospital, mostly wondering where my mom was. At a time like that a little boy needs his mom. I knew she could make the hurt go away and take me home. However, she wasn't able to, and I stayed in the hospital for a week. I was in such tremendous, physical pain, and I couldn't imagine anything feeling any worse.

Boy was I wrong!

(to be continued)

What If?

Are you letting someone else's actions determine the way you live your life?

If your spouse or boss or sibling or parent is treating you terribly or acting in ways that upset you, does your automatic response to them come from a place of anger, annoyance or bitterness?

What if you decided to change the interaction, on your own?

I'm reading Susan Page's book Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage. Chapter 4 is called "Act As If." One of my favorite ideas from this chapter is a real revelation to most people:

"You don't have to behave the way you feel. You have a choice. You can feel angry and frustrated inside and acknowledge your feelings, but behave in a loving way. Not as a thinly veiled disguise. Not as a passive-aggressive strategy (being nice with a big fist right behind your smile). Nor as a manipulation. But as a deliberate, spiritual exercise."

But why? Why should our actions be anything other than a natural extension of how we feel?

"Acting As If" will help you become more positive, will help you feel better about yourself, and may even bring the "as if" into reality.

Here's an experiment that Susan Page suggests at the end of the chapter. I challenge you to try it out:

1. In your journal, write your answer to this question: If you were completely in love with your spouse, how would you behave? You may want to write a paragraph or make a list. Let your imagination take over.

2. Set a specific time - from five minutes to an evening or a full day - to set aside any tensions you are feeling with your partner right now and act as if you are a loving, adoring partner.

3. The next time you feel angry or hurt or have a conflict with your partner, make a point of trying to act as if. Look for an opportunity and try it. Acknowledge your feelings, but know that you do not have to act them out. You have a choice. Try something different this time.

4. Record what you did in your journal and how it turned out.

Give it a shot. Act as if!

Perseverance

Last week I shared my story. A lot of people ask me how Fi and I did it - how did our marriage survive such difficult circumstances?

Somehow God gave me the patience I needed to get through.

"If you will let me, I will take care of this for you" was the word God gave me, but I still had to wait. He didn't take care of it in an instant - it was a process that carried on for years.

There's a verse in the Bible about this kind of patient waiting:

"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see" Hebrews 11:1

One of the problems of our society these days is instant everything - instant coffee, fast food, instant fixes. We get used to addressing problems and eliminating them NOW. But sometimes the best things in life don't happen NOW. Sometimes the best things in life take time.

What are the problems in your life right now? Are you looking for quick fixes? Or are you letting God take care of it for you, no matter what his time line might be?

That thing you can't see . . . keeping hoping. Keep believing God will take care of it for you. That's faith.